I hope this feeling lasts. I have a warm feeling in my chest and its growing.
Since the closing of IMissYou, I’ve received a wonderful inpouring of posts, texts, messages and emails that go beyond the regular “you did a thing! Congrats!”. They speak of truth and honesty and conversations with loved ones, either sparked by the writing prompt offered pre show or by the material I discuss within the show. I’m dumbfounded and overwhelmed by the responses I’ve received.
At times the show was hard to do, because I felt very exposed and it left me no room within it to hide. But OH BOY am I glad I went there. The pay off has been everything I wanted it to be and more. I’ve noticed a huge change when I see audience members in person. The show was intimate. I had nowhere to hide within it. I saw you seeing me. Part of my experience was witnessing being witnessed. I feel a profound closeness to everyone who made it, and have noticed a difference in my relationships with these folks. It’s like we went on an intense vacation together or I’ve been best friends with them my whole life. I feel the type of close that you can’t fake. That comes from someone seeing your true color and seeing you for your truth. I’ve been joking that ever since Tamara stumbled her way into my life and into my heart, that it feels ironic to be working on a piece about loneliness. I’m probably the least lonely I’ve ever been. But since this show- Ouff. I can’t even describe with words the feelings I’m feeling. I stood up there, with James Everett as my anchor and got to look each audience member in the face. 3 days in a row- 6 shows over those days. I’ve never felt more full. Never felt more juiced up on good vibes.
And then there’s the notebooks…I have a bag full of notebooks that are filled with your experiences. If you came to the first show, you had the task of starting the logs in the notebooks that contained a writing prompt. Starting the journey of sharing. If you came to one of the last performances, you had to honour of reading the entries of all those that came before you and including your own thoughts in the book. Over the past few days since the show closed, I’ve sat and stared at the bag containing the notebooks, but haven’t been ready to dive in and read them yet. I’m still feeling too fresh and too fragile. But WHAT A GIFT! These logs have only just started. I’m feeling inspired and passionate about continuing to share my story and continue these logs. I want to fill those notebooks.
So. I hope this feeling lasts. This honesty, this passion, this importance, this love and community. I hope it lasts. And I intend to fight to keep it.